I have often wondered, why I cannot bring myself to settle in an advanced place like US or Europe or Japan. They all stand out in their beauty and the quality of living. Quality of Living. Time well spent. Time, spent on enjoying life. A friend puts it best. ‘Da, you can just plan to go on a trip right now. Grab a bus or flight to Niagara. No, drive all the way there. Or, I could just go out running the whole day Or Trekking. The options are endless….’ . I must agree. Back home, such a idea cannot be presented. Too many loose ends to tie up. Besides, with no social security, you are caught up in an endless whirlpool. To save. Save for a house, for children’s education, for their marriage and possibly retirement, if you happen to be around, that long. A cruise or a summer house is beyond our middle-class. Yet, if you were to switch a few time zones, the pressure to save vanishes. Social Security, public healthcare, public education and some of the finest infrastructure and support systems one can think of. Well, forget all the man-made wonders. Just take a look around and take in the natural beauty of the place and the wonderful change of seasons…..honestly, there isn’t a thing worthwhile back home, I can uphold in defense, with pride.
And so… on an ICE (bullet train) speeding through Switzerland, conversing with a friend of mine,when this question started to trouble me again. I remember, often telling my friends I would much rather prefer roaming the streets of Trivandrum to any other place on earth. Was that a lie? I look outside and I see the greenery of Switzerland. Hmmm...beyond words. So I confronted myself again. What is it that makes me wanna run back all the time? Surely one cannot to be blind to all this beauty you see around. It can’t be the food either; you get almost everything here. Globalization, they say. Family ties? They can be shipped. And after marriage, parents or siblings do not matter anyway. The argumentative Indian streak (in me) mulled over the clichéd excuses one by one. I was searching for a more personal reason. The real reason.
My lucky day…Things seem to fall in order today and the connections emerge. I have often witnessed this miracle before, you would be having no idea, and then suddenly, as you start to explain it to someone ….the problem and the possible reasons ….even as you speak, it dawns on you…it connects…and you speak on, as if you knew all along…. you would hearing your thoughts along with your listener for the first time...but no one knows… That’s subliminal. Like the subconscious (mind) just stepped in.
I argue on with my friend...No, the issue with me has never been the fairytale beauty I see outside. Nor the standard of living nor the food, not even leaving parents. You can either come to terms with all that or fix them. But, I just realize, it is the very ‘whites’ that are sitting right across me. Yes. They are my problem. (Not surprisingly, we are the only browns in the setting (i.e. compartment) too.)
The whites sitting across…..they sit tight, occasionally steal a fleeting glance. Steely eyes. Managed smiles…..Or maybe my perception is all skewed. No matter what they do, take notice or ignore, I detect only prejudice. An inferiority complex? Maybe. But I doubt. For, look at their children. They have got a pretty straightforward expression on their face. They invariably stare or giggle at you. That’s easy to understand. I fascinate them or I appear threatening. But I am ok with that. It is the put-on politeness or condescending approach of an adult that sinks my spirits. Like, making way for you. Sometimes it is both funny and sad to sit and watch the seat next to you being taken the last. Some would rather stand than sit next to you. Actually, it may not be a conscious thing even. Just a harmless reflex to a stranger or an alien. Something from the past. But it makes you feel odd and unwelcome.
Well, it all comes gushing out when you inadvertently screw up things. Recently on a flight to Munich, I was trying to put my cabin bag on the overhead compartment. There wasn’t much space there and I kind of forced it in. A young lady, seated in the row ahead spoke something firmly in german and then shaking her head, got up and pulled out my bag to get her jacket and put it back. Seeing my dumb look, she switched to English and said ‘That jacket shouldn’t get wrinkled, you know’. As if to a kid. I had already got up, offering to help, fumbling words in embarrassment. Though you know your English, it doesn’t help. Later, I watch others take the time to put the luggage carefully, while others waited in the aisle. I may have rushed it but I didn’t want to keep others waiting. I dunno. Throughout the flight I felt guilty and stupid. The whole scene played back and forth in my mind. You know, I might even have more Air Miles to my credit than her… Whatever.It hurts.
I love Europe but it’s the people. Not everyone. I have never found a pattern. Sometimes it is the older people who appear genuine. Sometimes it is the younger educated ones who do not see the color. You encounter it more often in the suburbs than downtowns. Is it an alien reflex, I wonder. But back home, I know we are generally perceived to be friendly and warm towards any foreigner. So it can’t just be the alien factor. Is it then the perception of white being ‘better’?
After defeating a western boxer, ‘Wing Chun’ Master Yip Man echoes my anguish and enlightens the crowd “By fighting this match, I’m not trying to prove Chinese martial arts are better than Western boxing. What I really wanted to say is that, though people have different statuses in life, everybody’s dignity is the same. One man’s integrity is not worth more than another’s. I hope from this moment on, we can start to respect each other” .Courtesy: ‘Ip Man 2 (2010)’
But alas, how can mutual respect come about. Either, ‘the white’ sitting across, needs to have time and patience to know me, up close. Or, he needs to be educated, emotionally intelligent. Possess such refined sensibilities to see greater truths. Well, such gifts are so rare to come by. As to the former (time and patience), it is virtually impossible. Most of our acquaintances in public places are fleeting and short lived. I am absolutely positive a closer interaction with me would naturally dissolve the initial bias, they have of me. I say this confidently because, the people whom I have interacted with, closely; like the Swedish family who rent out their rooms for me and my colleagues at our Swedish office; they all respect and like me for the person I am.
It’s funny that, some others are gifted with so much self-respect, that they can stand up to any snub. They can change an entire perception with a single remark. For instance, a US settled uncle of mine, boasts, he once retorted to a redneck “The only difference is that you came by the first boat”. But then,that’s America. The land of Freedom and Liberty. Besides, I don’t have his guts.
Former American President, John Quincy Adams, arguing against slavery, said, “…the natural state of mankind is freedom. The proof is the length to which a man …will go to regain it, once taken. He will break loose his chains…decimate his enemies…will try and try and try, against all odds, against all prejudices….to get home.” Courtesy: ‘Amistad (1997)’
Yes. Home. That’s why, I wanna go back. My land of Squalor. Everything pales in comparison. Much rather wander the streets of Trivandrum, on borrowed thoughts “Where the mind is without fear and the head held high…”
Feeling Free and Dignified.
And so… on an ICE (bullet train) speeding through Switzerland, conversing with a friend of mine,when this question started to trouble me again. I remember, often telling my friends I would much rather prefer roaming the streets of Trivandrum to any other place on earth. Was that a lie? I look outside and I see the greenery of Switzerland. Hmmm...beyond words. So I confronted myself again. What is it that makes me wanna run back all the time? Surely one cannot to be blind to all this beauty you see around. It can’t be the food either; you get almost everything here. Globalization, they say. Family ties? They can be shipped. And after marriage, parents or siblings do not matter anyway. The argumentative Indian streak (in me) mulled over the clichéd excuses one by one. I was searching for a more personal reason. The real reason.
My lucky day…Things seem to fall in order today and the connections emerge. I have often witnessed this miracle before, you would be having no idea, and then suddenly, as you start to explain it to someone ….the problem and the possible reasons ….even as you speak, it dawns on you…it connects…and you speak on, as if you knew all along…. you would hearing your thoughts along with your listener for the first time...but no one knows… That’s subliminal. Like the subconscious (mind) just stepped in.
I argue on with my friend...No, the issue with me has never been the fairytale beauty I see outside. Nor the standard of living nor the food, not even leaving parents. You can either come to terms with all that or fix them. But, I just realize, it is the very ‘whites’ that are sitting right across me. Yes. They are my problem. (Not surprisingly, we are the only browns in the setting (i.e. compartment) too.)
The whites sitting across…..they sit tight, occasionally steal a fleeting glance. Steely eyes. Managed smiles…..Or maybe my perception is all skewed. No matter what they do, take notice or ignore, I detect only prejudice. An inferiority complex? Maybe. But I doubt. For, look at their children. They have got a pretty straightforward expression on their face. They invariably stare or giggle at you. That’s easy to understand. I fascinate them or I appear threatening. But I am ok with that. It is the put-on politeness or condescending approach of an adult that sinks my spirits. Like, making way for you. Sometimes it is both funny and sad to sit and watch the seat next to you being taken the last. Some would rather stand than sit next to you. Actually, it may not be a conscious thing even. Just a harmless reflex to a stranger or an alien. Something from the past. But it makes you feel odd and unwelcome.
Well, it all comes gushing out when you inadvertently screw up things. Recently on a flight to Munich, I was trying to put my cabin bag on the overhead compartment. There wasn’t much space there and I kind of forced it in. A young lady, seated in the row ahead spoke something firmly in german and then shaking her head, got up and pulled out my bag to get her jacket and put it back. Seeing my dumb look, she switched to English and said ‘That jacket shouldn’t get wrinkled, you know’. As if to a kid. I had already got up, offering to help, fumbling words in embarrassment. Though you know your English, it doesn’t help. Later, I watch others take the time to put the luggage carefully, while others waited in the aisle. I may have rushed it but I didn’t want to keep others waiting. I dunno. Throughout the flight I felt guilty and stupid. The whole scene played back and forth in my mind. You know, I might even have more Air Miles to my credit than her… Whatever.It hurts.
I love Europe but it’s the people. Not everyone. I have never found a pattern. Sometimes it is the older people who appear genuine. Sometimes it is the younger educated ones who do not see the color. You encounter it more often in the suburbs than downtowns. Is it an alien reflex, I wonder. But back home, I know we are generally perceived to be friendly and warm towards any foreigner. So it can’t just be the alien factor. Is it then the perception of white being ‘better’?
After defeating a western boxer, ‘Wing Chun’ Master Yip Man echoes my anguish and enlightens the crowd “By fighting this match, I’m not trying to prove Chinese martial arts are better than Western boxing. What I really wanted to say is that, though people have different statuses in life, everybody’s dignity is the same. One man’s integrity is not worth more than another’s. I hope from this moment on, we can start to respect each other” .Courtesy: ‘Ip Man 2 (2010)’
But alas, how can mutual respect come about. Either, ‘the white’ sitting across, needs to have time and patience to know me, up close. Or, he needs to be educated, emotionally intelligent. Possess such refined sensibilities to see greater truths. Well, such gifts are so rare to come by. As to the former (time and patience), it is virtually impossible. Most of our acquaintances in public places are fleeting and short lived. I am absolutely positive a closer interaction with me would naturally dissolve the initial bias, they have of me. I say this confidently because, the people whom I have interacted with, closely; like the Swedish family who rent out their rooms for me and my colleagues at our Swedish office; they all respect and like me for the person I am.
It’s funny that, some others are gifted with so much self-respect, that they can stand up to any snub. They can change an entire perception with a single remark. For instance, a US settled uncle of mine, boasts, he once retorted to a redneck “The only difference is that you came by the first boat”. But then,that’s America. The land of Freedom and Liberty. Besides, I don’t have his guts.
Former American President, John Quincy Adams, arguing against slavery, said, “…the natural state of mankind is freedom. The proof is the length to which a man …will go to regain it, once taken. He will break loose his chains…decimate his enemies…will try and try and try, against all odds, against all prejudices….to get home.” Courtesy: ‘Amistad (1997)’
Yes. Home. That’s why, I wanna go back. My land of Squalor. Everything pales in comparison. Much rather wander the streets of Trivandrum, on borrowed thoughts “Where the mind is without fear and the head held high…”
Feeling Free and Dignified.
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